Tis the (engagement) season:The "who" part of the equation

You said "yes", that was the easy part. The next part of the process is determining "who else".

I'm sure my industry peers are looking in shock that I did not start with the budget, but let's be honest, a budget with no guest list is just as meaningless as no budget. Knowing you will have $20k and not knowing if you are at 20 guests or 500, doesn't mean much. Money is a little easier to determine, you have or you don't, guess however, that is a number that may fluctuate, so try to get started with that first.

You and your fiance need to sit down and have a very serious discussion about what your ideal wedding consists of. If you are not sure where to start, start with the thought of whether your dream day will be intimate vs large. These two words alone, conjure different emotions and a different vision and will (hopefully) help to get you somewhat on the same page.

Take a moment to jot down the numbers you've discussed. Start with family and work from there. For your friends, will you invite any other than the bridal party? Will there be children invited? Co-workers? Neighbors?

Once you have jotted down the names of the people that you can think of off the top of your head, take a look. How close are you to where you ideally need to be? Does this mock list already consists of 200+? If so, you are far from "intimate" considering there is a very good chance that your parents will be contributing a "list" of their own.

If you find yourself needing to cut back, the next step in determining your guest list size is to set some boundaries. Perhaps for the single (for wedding purposes "single" means NOT engaged or otherwise married) people be invited with a guests? Are children considered those of a certain age? Is there a cut-off for friends you will invite (aka you must have known each other for 5+ years), have you seen your family members within the last 4 years. Setting steadfast rules will be a very easy way to eliminate some people right off the bat, without feeling guilty about doing so.

This should bring you closer to the ultimate goal: determining the one number you DO NOT want to exceed. If you still find yourself struggling, ask yourself a very honest question, would you on any other given day, be comfortable with taking this person to a $125 dinner and paying, if not, draw a big line between there name. because that is what your wedding expense for this one individual would be.

Once you've done that, whether it is three hundred or twenty, your next duty is to notify your parents of the amount of guests they are welcome to invite. A quick rule of thumb is that each set of parents receives 1/4 of the list and you and your intended receive half.

I'd love to end this post here but want to just give a disclaimer. I know that guest lists are not easy. Especially when you have so many people saying that other people just HAVE to come. There was an episode of the Cosby Show where Theo graduated and the father, Dr. Huxtable, invited everyone and brought lawn chairs for those who the stadium could not accommodate. THIS IS MY FAMILY! I do understand. Your wedding however, is not a free for all so a definite count is necessary to proceed with budgeting your expenses-tomorrow's topic.

So Internet, anyone else find they were extremely challenged with their invites? If so, how did you overcome?

Industry Buzz...

Forgive me internet. I have committed the ultimate cyber sin and went on a short hiatus from the blog. Not without good reason though. The POSH family has expanded and in the last few months we've welcome many new couples to our home. I'm excited to introduce them to you over the stages of planning thier big events.

We will also be introducing a 12 day series entiteld "Tis the (engagement) season " which is my little homage to the 12 days of Christmas. This series will feature daily post from now until Christmas day (I promise to post on my birthday as well) to help all the newly engaged and ladies in "waiting" to prepare themselves for the ride which awaits them.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled (blog) program...

The wedding industry is one of the few that has cyclical trends. This season,vintage, rustic, tea length and smilebooths last season lemon, damask, king arthur and tiffany. As a bride, it is quite easy to get pulled into the trend cycle and find yourself up to your ears in all the things you just knew you'd avoid.

Well ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to what I believe to be the next crazed buzz word for the 2010 season...Cinematography.

I'll be honest, this is one I'm excited to see grow. In a world where "videographers" are born by the minute and everyone with a camera believes they qualify, I'm excited to see the new brand of filmmakers that are taking wedding films to an entirely new level.

One of the studios in the forefront of this movement is Still Motion Photo and Cinema. Let me just tell you, if you have never viewed their work, prepare to be amazed. The videos they create are far from your parent's home video. They've mastered the art of telling a story through a motion-picture, artistic eye and the end result is certainly art in motion. The best part, this is all done through what appears to be a camera based recorder, small and unobtrusive, with built in light

My adorable bride Bethany first introduced me to this style as she has an incredible appreciation for the artform. If you find yourself drawn to this type of film, you will be happy to know that locally there are companies who offer a similar style including First Floor Films and CinemaCake Films(formally DVideography)and Illumimoto. If you are a lover of the 8mm "vintage feel" than Well Spun (whose work I adore) would also be a strong contender to capture your day.

How are you capturing your wedding memories?

Arielle marries Kevin

I first posted about Arielle & Kevin when we announced our new series "Sneak Peak" on the blog. I'm so happy to share the details of their phenomenal day.

The ingredients:

Incredible ceremony and reception venue Rockleigh Country Club
Event Designer and fabulous individuals of Amaryllis Floral & Party Decorators
Three fab photographers from Mario Michele Studios
Entertainment by Sumar Orchestras & Entertainment
Transportation by TBT Limousine Service

The result...one of the most unforgettable weddings that I have had the privelege to assist with.

Arielle & Kevin were married in an intimate ceremony at Rockleigh Country Club in Rockleigh, NJ. Guests were greeted to the sounds of a guitarist as they sat in anticipation of the marriage of two people who were undeniably "head over heels" in love. Though the weather put a bit of a damper on the outdoor ceremony, the amazing decorators at Amaryllis were able to construct the flower-filled chupah indoors and create the feel of the most beautiful indoor garden I'd ever seen.

After the ceremony, guests were treated to a lavish cocktail hour and then welcome into the party to the sounds of Sumar Entertainment. Between the toasts, the awesome music, the Hora that literally caused all of us to gasp and the Viennese feast (table just doesn't do it any justice), there wasn't a dull moment throughout the night.

Our fab friends at Mario Michele shared photos with us which documented Arielle & Kevin's awesome day. Enjoy!







I am always so excited when I get to work with such a great group of industry peers. Arielle & Kevin, it was a pleasure helping you execute the day of your dreams and I'm so happy for the friendship that has formed as a result.

Toni marries Rodney

I remember the first time we spoke.

Toni was not like other Brides. She was calm and collected and the "brief" initial conversation quickly evolved into a two hour chat similar to that you would have with a long lost girlfriend. Shortly thereafter, she contracted us for our "Deluxe" planning services. Meetings were held over meals, since the wedding took place in Northern New Jersey, and there was never a dull moment during the planning process.

Every "i" was dotted and "t" crossed for this chic and modern wedding and on the morning of, not even the Hurricane which came through the area, could damper the spirit of the day. It's why I do what I do.

It is now almost a year later and not only are we preparing to celebrate the anniversary of another POSH couple, I'm celebrating the friendship of (as she affectionally refers to herself) my "crazy bride" Toni.

Images of the fabulous Stone House at Stirling Ridge courtesy of our friends at Mario Michele Studios. Enjoy!

I love this shot! This image was played during the slideshow recap of the day at the reception and wedding guests literally gasped. DIVA!

Aisles adorned by flower blooms

Aisle runner designed by the Bride

Ballroom

Beautiful view of the cake from the sweetheart table

The gorgeous bridal party

Wedding Guest Gripes

Forgive me blog. I know I've been tardy. Twitter, my latest social media obsession, is partially to blame.

While parusing my daily tweets, a friend and colleague, Andria Lewis of Andria Lewis Events, posted an awesome article from MSN Lifestyle, Wedding Guests Secret Gripes. The article speaks to complaints that wedding guests have about attending your wedding. While normally I explain to couples that regardless of how you try, guests will NEVER be satisfied, I think the article highlights areas you should atleast make an attempt to consider. I've posted the article below:

You may think your wedding is all about you and your groom (or maybe just you) but, hello, you're hosting a party! If your guests are miserable, your wedding will be remembered for all the wrong reasons. So we talked to dozens of frequent wedding guests — from always-a-bridesmaids to recent brides to guys in their 20s and 30s — to find out what they hated about the events they've attended. We've kept the guests' names secret just in case they're coming to your wedding!

Your Timing Stinks
Huge time gaps between the ceremony and the reception — the ones where the ceremony starts at noon, but the party isn't until 7 p.m. — are annoying because you're often leaving us in the middle of nowhere with absolutely nothing to do. We don't want to kill time at a restaurant because we're hoping you'll feed us well at your reception. And there's only so much lingering we can do at a coffee shop or a bookstore ... in our dressy clothes! We'd much rather head straight to the party after the "I dos."

You Picked a Bad Day
We've had weddings on every holiday, from Mother's Day to Super Bowl Sunday (yes, that counts as a holiday). You must realize that we'd rather be with our moms or watching the game instead of going to your wedding on those days. And please don't ruin our holiday weekends. We get it; you can save a bundle if you get hitched on the Sunday before Memorial Day, but maybe we'd like to take our vacations then. If nothing else, please don't get married on some random Tuesday night. That means we have to take off two days from work just to go! Let us use our vacation days for vacations.

You're Boring Us
The ceremony may be the most important part of the day to you, but the reception is what we're really looking forward to. When it takes forever to get dinner served, each speech is 25 minutes long, and you play a string of songs that are all inside jokes with the same group of friends, there isn't much time for getting our groove on. Uh, and if the band's so bad that no one's dancing — including you and your groom — we just think, Why are we even here? Showing us a really good time is the least that you can do to thank us for giving up our free day, traveling, and getting you an expensive gift.

The Food Isn't Great
Why would you bother spending thousands on your flowers if your food is going to taste terrible? We want a delicious meal way more than we want pretty centerpieces. You don't know this, but we actually think of that $200 gift as a contribution to a great meal. If it's not as good as something we'd have at a restaurant, we're going to be disappointed. Even if the food is tasty, don't make us go hungry. We don't need an eight-course meal, but we don't want to have to push through other guests just to get to the tiny hors d'oeuvres you're calling dinner.

You Make Us Pay?!
Treat your guests like guests; don't make us bring our wallets whenever we want a drink! When you have more than 300 guests and a cash bar, we wish that you would've just cut the list and paid for our drinks instead. How exactly are we supposed to feel when we paid for flights, a rental car, a hotel room, and a gift, and then you make us pay at the bar? So not cool.

You Sat Us Here
We want to have fun at your wedding, believe us, but it's pretty tricky when you seat us right in front of giant speakers. We won't be able to talk to anyone at our tables or enjoy our dinner if you're blowing out our eardrums. Before you book your venue, make sure there's enough space for tables without having to make us sit in the DJ's lap. And don't make us suffer in the heat. If you're having a summer wedding, do it somewhere with air conditioning!

Also, if you want to be outdoors, don't make us rough it: Walking around in the mud, swatting bugs, or using porta-potties is even less fun in formal attire. And please give us plenty of places to sit. Cocktail hours are great, but it's pretty tough to balance our plates, drinks, and purses while standing — in heels no less!

You Don't Invite a Plus-One
Nothing reminds us of our dating status like a wedding. No need to rub it in our faces with even more reminders. The garter and bouquet tosses are like saying, "Hey, look at them. They're single!" Could you blame us if we hide in the bathroom as soon as the DJ announces it? And, come on, even if they did honestly predict we'd be the next to marry, do we really want some cheesy guy slipping garters up our legs? Of course, we'd prefer to be invited with a date, but we get why you may not be able to give us that, especially if we'll know lots of other people there. But if everyone we know is making out with their significant other all night, we're going to be pissed that you couldn't include one extra person to make us feel a little more comfortable.

You Put Us to Work
We know we'll have to help out with some tasks when we agree to be in the bridal party, but it's insulting when you consider a task like manning the guest book table an honor. We'd rather just be a regular guest at the wedding than have some silly duty like that. At the very least, give us a heads up if you'll need our help. Don't spring flower girl babysitting duties on us minutes before the reception.

You Don't Say Thank You
It's frustrating when we fly all the way to your wedding and you don't take the time to thank us for making the trip. Even if we haven't come a long way, make an effort to thank us for coming anyway. We know it's hard to talk to every guest at the wedding, but that's why, at the very least, we better get a thank-you card from you when you get back from your honeymoon!"

I really hope you found this article to be beneficial and that it gives you just a little something to take into consideration as your planning your special day. Couples always try to go out of thier way to accodomate thier guests and this goes to show that sometimes, it's the little (and not so little things) that matter. While I don't necessarily agree with all the points (I think the Sunday before a major holiday is an awesome time for your wedding, if your family is general in town and you can save $5-10k), I do find some to be valid.

What do you think internet?