If you follow me (@poshevents)on twitter late last night I tweeted that today would be the day I did a transparency post. My assistant Jenelle (@jenellethemodel) does transparency tweets all the time and I've always admired her courage to be totally exposed in her testimony. I've had an issue lying on my heart for quite sometime now and figured the blog is my ultimate medium, and I really miss blogging, so what better place and what better time?
In this industry we are often flooded with the ideal picture of love. What it is and what it should be. Society will tell you that if you are not married by xxx age, you are flawed, and when you do get married you live the perfect life, swept away by a prince and go off together into happily ever after land.
The reality is that this may not be the case.
As a newlywed I can honestly say the first year of marriage was quite the challenge. I love my husband and undeniably he loves me, however, I don't know if we were ever prepared for the road that would follow shortly after the "I dos". During the first year I must have answered to "how's married life" a million times, but never knowing exactly what to say. Do you say "challenging at times" or is perfect with a smile the only acceptable answer to give?
I do this for a living. How could I, Wedding planner, educated with three degrees, met my Mr. charming, married in my fantasy wedding, not say perfect? After all, I love my husband and he loves me.
The period of engagement is quite the fantasy. Everyone is so supportive of your love and your upcoming celebration that often times it is easy to lose sight of the purpose. The relationship. The bond. The legally binding, split everything in half, through thick and thin, bond...and all of a sudden the lights have faded on your ceremony and you wake up in your reality.
It's not always easy.
It's been laying so heavily on my heart to say the things that society is afraid to say. You may NOT live in a honeymoon phase for the first 5 years, or maybe not even the first 5 months. Your marriage will face challenges. You will hit speed bumps and road blocks just like any other relationship. You may even potentially face a problem that appears to be bigger than you, that will test your faith and your commitment. You may NOT want to be bothered sometimes. You may NOT be able to perform as the perfect husband or perfect wife and may not always know all of the answers. You WILL be disappointed in your spouse at times. It's reality and it's a reality that unfortunately no one ever speaks of so when you find yourself in the situation you feel abandoned, alone and dare I say it regretting your decision.
I've been there so I know it happens.
And it's perfectly OK.
What I've learned about "marriage", the institution, is that it withstands challenges, it is forgiving and it does overcome.
I married my better half a little over a year ago and what we've learned as a couple is that the formula for a great marriage is communication, dedication and faith, not perfection. Everything in life is not always as it seems nor is it always black and white. Somethings in life just stay in the gray.