A planner plans: Weathering the storm

I interrupt our regurlarly scheduled update to bring you a dose of reality. My reality.

Over the last 18 months, I've experienced the death of 6 loved ones. My mother has lost 3 sisters, 1 brother in law, a nephew and a cousin. My grandmother experienced 2 strokes and my father was diagnosed with a brain tumor.


With the length of most engagements averaging a year+, it is quite common to experience a tragedy of some sort. All of a sudden what seemed like the happiest time in your life is cut short and replaced by tears and sorrow. You know that the wedding is approaching but somehow things just don't seem the same.

I share this sentiment with many of my couples currently planning.

What I often advise is to find a special way to still include that individual in your day. By special, I mean personal. The popular options are a memorial table, a memorial candle and a note in the program but the act does not have to be one of outward expression. For some this does not work however. Simply carrying a token representing this person on your bouquet, including their favorite flower in your centerpieces or sharing a quiet moment with your fiance during the day to acknowledge their spirit, are also options to consider.

While it saddens me to know I will not get to share the day with people that have contributed to who I am as an individual, that I won't dance with my uncle as we often did, or laugh with my favorite aunt, I am reminded that we will celebrate with a room full of people that love and support us and that the memory of those not present physically is still very present in our hearts.

We have chosen to hang 8 butterflies from the ceiling during the ceremony representing each individual we hold dear to us and the evolution of their life. We are not making an announcement to their significance nor are we looking to sadden the mood of such a joyous occasion. To those in attendance it will look like another beautiful decor item, to us however, they represent our loved ones looking over us as we recite lifelong promises to one another and to me it really helps. Alot.

What have you done/are you doing to remember those who will not be in attendance on your big day?


isha said...

You amaze me.

Lakendra Kennedy said...

I LOVE your idea of using butterflies to represent loved ones who are no longer with you.

Enjoying your "A Planner Plans" series.

Lisa Michelle said...


My condolences and prayers are with you and your loved ones. I think it's a great and a meaningful idea to incorporate some type of "Remembrance" to loved ones gone home.

Isis said...

Thank you ladies! I love butterflies so I felt it would be perfect without being overly sad.